Geminid The squirrel runs into an old, broken down looking hat shop.

• Alsa chases it inside, if he can.

Geminid Inside, it is a warm, friendly haberdashery.

Geminid Hundreds of hats line the walls.

Geminid Racks and stands filled with hats make it hard to move.

• Alsa gasps for breath. "Where'd it go?"

Geminid At the main counter, an old tepper lady sits, wearing a hat so wondrous it's hard to take your eyes off it.

• Alsa looks at her for a moment, forgetting what he came in for. "Uh. Hi."

Geminid She smiles, "Hello, Alsabyerdiese Ipanym."

• Alsa looks around. "I was ... chasing something."

Geminid "One of my little helpers. Next time you see one, just follow him and I won't need to steal anything, all right?"

• Alsa furrows his brow at her. "What's this about?"

Geminid She pulls out a fine, plumed hat. "I want to offer you a hat."

• Alsa takes it automatically. "Okay. Why?"

Geminid She smiles, "You can /own/ it if you pass a quick test. And because I like you, Alsa."

• Alsa exhales. "If I take the test, will you give me my hubcap bolts back?"

Geminid She smiles, "They only looked like they were stolen. You can leave now, if you'd like."

Alsa "Well now you've got my attention, what's the test?"

Geminid "We start with a test of talent. What are you good at?"

Alsa "Making movies."

• Alsa says that with some confidence.

Geminid She smiles, "Well, I don't have a movie lot here. What else are you good at?"

• Alsa frowns. "Uh, I don't know ... I guess I'm good at working with actors and crew, motivating them to improve their performance."

Geminid "A people person, are you?"

Alsa "Sure. That's part of makes me good at filmmaking."

Geminid She snaps her fingers, and in walk two lesser goblins. The smaller one smells horrible, and the bigger one /looks/ as stupid as he is.

Geminid The smaller one says, "What the fuck do you want, old woman? We got a fat rat we were chasin'."

Geminid The bigger one says, "Buhmuhmuh, buh buh."

• Alsa looks to her. "What's the scene?"

Geminid The tepper woman smiles, "Up to you."

• Alsa shrugs and walks up to each of them, extending a hand to shake. "Hi, Alsa Ipanym, good to meet you."

Geminid "Piss off, blank," he growls. The big one shrugs and shakes.

• Alsa smiles. "I'm running for city council. Can I count on your votes, gentlemen?"

Geminid "Can't vote. We're not of age."

Geminid The big one shrugs.

Alsa "When will you be of age?"

Geminid The big one holds up two fingers. The little one snorts and spits in answer.

Alsa "Two years? Is that right?"

Geminid The big one nods, the little one doesn't respond.

• Alsa studies the little one carefully.

Geminid He's a little embarrassed. Goblins age strangely. Something about blood rites. He's acting tough to keep his cool.

Alsa "Well, whether I win this year or not, I'll have to run again in two years. And I'm sure you'll both be of age by then. What can I do between now and then to earn your vote?"

Geminid The big one looks to the smaller one, who looks you up and down, "Why's all the big gangs get the good mob contracts? We want a shake."

• Alsa nods approvingly. "An entrepreneur. You're our city's future, you know."

Alsa Thinking.

Geminid The little one snorts.

Alsa Do I know what he's talking about?

Geminid It's not hard to figure out that he means organized crime hires street gangs for some things, but it's not something Alsa's heard of.

• Alsa improvises. "Well, crime is always a problem. But let's say that the city decided to lean on the gangs some more. I'm /sure/ that we'd lean on just the big ones. They're more visible anyway, once we run the numbers, so it's no problem for a determined councilman with a friend on the newspaper. Then once they're running scared from the police, the mob would have to find someone else, someone less visible, to work with. Do we und

Geminid cuts off and do we und

Alsa "Do we understand each other?"

Geminid The little one considers, then nods. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

Alsa "Great! Remember to tell your friends: Vote for Ipanym!"

• Alsa turns to the Tepper lady. "And what about you, ma'am, can I count on your vote?"

Geminid "And a hat, mister." As the two goblins vanish into thin air.

• Alsa puts it on. "So why this hat? Anything special about it?"

Geminid "A fine, plumed hat for a fine gentleman, sir. You could catch the eye of a nice young man with that."

Alsa "I'd better be careful where I wear it, then. Good night, ma'am."

• Alsa goes home, wearing the hat.

Geminid When you walk in the door, Paolo looks up and is immediately amorous.

Alsa "You would not /believe/ the day I had today! First the gnome almost kills our leading man, then it turns out they're both crazy, and on the way home I blew a tire and a - an illusionary squirrel steals the little metal pieces to fix it, and I had to convince two nasty goblins to vote for me in the city council election. I got a free hat out of it though. Oh."

Alsa They have sex.

Alsa No time for drugs.

Geminid And cut.