"Don't ask me about the corn.

"Really, there's not much to say. The Era of Chaos was anything but, and we in the Bumfuzzle family knew quite well what was what. We arranged things, see, for a few good years. My ancestor helped kill the Father of Eyes.

"Then a new Chaotic Deity, as they style themselves, arose, and we knew our job was to keep them in check. So Henry Bumfuzzle, my ancestor, took to the order church, Norman Bumfuzzle took to the death church, and Hobart Bumfuzzle took up with the Cult of the Mouth. Their sister Ira Bumfuzzle stayed with the Empire of Tara'hin.

"So Hobart is my direct ancestor, and we've been with the Cult ever since, back in the Age of Legends.

"So we've been in the Cult, with a purpose, for something like 50,000 years. We once built a machine to count. 51,665 years, at the time we built it. Or will built. I'm still not clear on that.

"Anyway, the Age of Terror spawned Runners. The Cult of the Mouth, as they call us, were natural fits for the Runners. I have the number here somewhere... Ahh, well, no matter. We helped kill the Champion of Chaos during the Era of the Spider. Want a pie? Oh, yes, that is when I got this Flower.

"Ahh, lemon tuna steak. My favorite.

"Where was I? So I had gotten to be a leader in the Cult, or the Order as we like to call it, and naturally, I was involved in the Revolution!

"I once made a duck made of iron and goose grease.

"So when we left for the other world, we went with and had a good time dealing with the presences. I could maybe sense them 4 times out of 11, with my presence-o-meter. I got us some good political clout with that!

"So when we went back, naturally, I joined the others in taking the Mountain. It was the best start for us. How was I to know I'd be stuck with it so long? I need a change. Want a snowflake?

"In the Eschatonic Wars--good name, that--I sided with Hope, because Chaos sided with Terror, and I managed a decent job of it. We took out over thirty thousand eyeballs in one year near the end.

"So now on First Shem, we got prime choice of territories, and we chose some good ones! Ever been in a catapult?"

All stats variable.